If something offends you, it means you have a clue to this insult, and until you work out the clue itself, others will “offend” you, or rather, you will be offended yourself. This is a field for a lot of inner work. But this article is for those who have not yet become an enlightened Buddha, and still really take offense at other people’s not very pleasant actions towards themselves.
It is important to let your loved one understand what he did wrong, and lead him to ask for forgiveness without humiliation.
You can declare a grudge in different ways, someone starts to shout and prove who is right. And then the man begins to defend himself, which means he expresses his aggression. In this case, it is very difficult to get an apology. Do not shout at him, do not blame, but just show by your appearance that you are upset. Of course, this will require a little artistry, but this is what will allow your companion to correctly understand that it is not worth doing this again. You may even burst into tears so that he realizes the depth of resentment that you have experienced.
What to do if a guy offends a girl?
1. Let’s not sulk
There is no need to stop communicating or deny him any requests. Just let your mood become different, and it is from this state that you should tell him that it hurts you, that you did not think that it would cause so many worries. Be defenseless, show that you are vulnerable. At the same time, stay calm, do not go over to high tones, be restrained. This behavior will allow the man to realize what happened.
2. Let’s tell
It’s important to remember that guys can’t read minds, so it’s a good idea to talk about what you didn’t like and why. Sometimes a person does not understand what he did wrong. Everyone in the family of parents has their own rules, and some actions seem very harmless, while for others they are unacceptable. If you don’t know how to talk about such things directly, if you are held back by fear at the thought of dialogue, write a letter. But it is important to convey what you did not like, and it is also necessary to explain what kind of behavior in such a situation you consider positive and acceptable.
3. Let’s show
If peaceful methods do not work, and the problem repeats itself many times, you can demonstrate to the satellite how his behavior looks from the outside. Begin to act like him in similar circumstances. Of course, this method cannot always be performed, but if possible, use it. Sometimes clarity is more useful than hundreds of explanations. offends. Teach a lesson, but just do not leave the image ahead of time, give him the opportunity to reflect on what happened.
4. Let’s not listen to excuses
Some men, even realizing their mistake, will shift it to others. They are used to looking for someone who caused this incident. Friends, the weather, parents, or someone else could interfere. If he is used to making excuses in this way, explain to him that he is no longer a little boy who is a hostage to circumstances, he himself can make a decision and only his choice depends on what will happen next. Show him that he does not take responsibility for himself, and this is what will allow him to grow up faster and realize himself not only in love games.
5. Let’s think
A man does not always apologize immediately after an act, sometimes it takes time to think. Do not rush him, let him realize the complexity of the situation and the possible negative consequences. And remember that sometimes people ask for forgiveness not with words, but with actions. offends. If you come home and everything you asked for has been repaired, consider that he has apologized. Some words are difficult to pronounce, but gifts or useful things can say the same.
6. Let’s not raise the bar
Sometimes apologizing means agreeing that the person is wrong. If there is a heightened sense of guilt, then the person may not ask for forgiveness due to the fact that he is afraid that his confession will entail punishment. This is a habit from childhood, if the parents, after apologizing, also used other methods of influence, then the person begins to fear what will follow after the words said. offends. In this case, it is important to explain to the man that you will not torture him, that no further measures will follow and that you only need to repent.
For example, what to do if a man really offends me? Let’s say he uttered hurtful words to me, called me something? Did you do something nasty on purpose, specifically to hurt me? How to react to this if I was really hurt, and I was offended?
Variants of the development of the situation when a guy offends a girl
1. Fall into an ubermensch and never show offense. To pretend to be that same enlightened superman and proudly pretend that I did not hurt at all, well, what are you! I am the titan of self-control and the king of indifference, nothing touches me, and it is impossible to hurt me, I attacked the wrong one! Terminator and Iron Man nervously smoke in the vestibule.
2. Fall into a victim and start whining a man. About how cruel he was, how he could, how it hurts me, why you offend me so much, but did I deserve it, and so on. offends. Expect an apology from him, get upset and cry. To fill up with crocodile tears. Get hysterical. In general, to put pressure on the feeling of guilt, so that he suffers, and then apologizes and began to make amends.
Both positions are losing.
The first is because the woman is lying. Moreover, including herself, because she convinces herself that she is fine, although she already has a wound in her soul, and she ignores it. This is a betrayal of oneself, it is not necessary. This is the way to life in a castle made of reinforced concrete psychic protections, when after a while a woman will lose touch with herself and will not feel her emotions herself – an internal indicator will break down.
The second position is losing, because the woman has brought herself to her knees. Not the offender, not he forced her to take the pose of the victim. No, she herself chose this reaction – to play a wretched victim, and by this she herself humiliates her dignity. This is also a betrayal of oneself.
Both positions are dependent on the abuser.
In the first, she chooses to look proud for the sake of the offender – so that he thinks something or, on the contrary, does not think. The focus of attention is on him!
In the second, she chooses to look pitiful again for the sake of the offender – after all, she thinks that if he sees how bad she is, he will take pity, apologize and it won’t be like that again.
That is, he controls the situation and the woman in both cases, and not she herself.
So what will be the more correct behavior when you have been offended and you are really sincerely offended?
The only true thing will be to show your sincere feelings. Show offense, say that it offended you, hurt, upset, it is unpleasant for you, and you do not want to communicate in this way. Everything.
You don’t have to pretend that you don’t care and then cry into your pillows.
There is no need to explain anything to the offender and negotiate in a wounded state.
The best thing is to clearly and clearly convey that yes, you are very unpleasant and in shock, but that this is unacceptable for you under any sauce, so you retire. You get out of communication. And distance yourself. Really. And silently! No accusations or insults. It is beautiful.
Only with this behavior, the abuser usually really understands that he was wrong. He will feel that he has acted ugly. This woman, whom I offended, and she seemed to be in a losing position, had to start hysteria, cry, insult me, in general – behave unworthy, for some reason looks better and more worthy than me with such a reaction.
And now this man will have to run after such a woman and apologize.
