Jessica Fulk’s 2 AM Thoughts: KC’s Booming and I’m Pretty Sure I’m Hallucinating at This Point

From Never-Ending Construction to Those Damn New Restaurants Leawood Keeps Bragging About

God, what time is it? Whatever. It’s Jessica. I gotta get this out before I explode or fall asleep face-first on my laptop.

Houses, Houses Everywhere and Not a Clue in Sight

Okay, so… this housing market. It’s… I don’t even know anymore. Had this couple today, right? They’re all, “Jessica, what’s the difference between duplex and townhouse?” And I just… I blanked. Completely. Stood there for like a solid minute before I remembered how to talk. I think I need to tattoo the answer on my forehead at this point. And the traffic? [Deep sigh] Took me two hours to get home. Two. Hours. I listened to an entire podcast about… I don’t even remember. Alpacas maybe? Is that a thing?

Food, Glorious Food (That I Can’t Even Eat)

Oh, and these new KC restaurants? They’re… they’re just taunting me at this point. Tried to get into that new place on Main. They laughed. Actually laughed. Said they’re booked through 2025. Is that even legal?

It’s Not All Bad… Right? RIGHT??

I mean, it’s not all terrible. I think. Maybe. Like those North Kansas City breweries. They’re cool. I think. Haven’t actually been. Keep meaning to go. Maybe I’ll go right now. [Yawn] No, bad idea. Need sleep. Or do I? What even is sleep at this point?

Neighborhoods: Now With 100% More Confusion

And Hospital Hill Kansas City? Don’t get me started. No, really, don’t. I’ll never stop. It’s like… it’s like it got abducted by aliens and replaced with some Twilight Zone version of itself. I got lost there yesterday. Me! I’ve lived here my whole life! I don’t… [Sound of papers shuffling] Where was I? Oh, right. KC. Growing. Chaos. Whatever. Is it too early for coffee? Too late? What day is it even? [Muffled groan] Maybe I should move. Become a goat farmer or something. Do goats need real estate agents? That’s it. I’m done. If one more person asks me about “up-and-coming neighborhoods” I’m gonna… I don’t know. Scream? Cry? Both? I need sleep. Or a new career. Or… [Voice trails off] Wait, did I feed my cat? Do I even have a cat? [Long pause] KC, I love you, but you’re killing me. Literally. I think. Is this what dying feels like? Or is it just the caffeine? …I need a vacation.