Friendships: 10 Do’s And Don’ts of ‘Keeping It Real’

Friendships: 10 Do’s And Don’ts of ‘Keeping It Real’

We’ve all had different experiences with friendships. Friendships: 10 Do’s And Don’ts of ‘Keeping It Real’

I have had the same group of friends for more than ten years. I have seen friends over time come and go most temporary, some permanent. You meet everywhere: School, work and social friends. It got me thinkingNames Related To Death

Your character is a reflection of spectrum of which you are. I believe each friend represents a different side of you. I remember my friend Edith referred to me as her ‘deep side’. This was indeed a compliment. I have noticed that been in my own group and over the course of my years I have met friends who have catered to a side of me that I have been aware. You know who you are comfortable enough to delve into them intellectual complex conversations about your personal life. Others are there to just laugh with. Our personality traits either attract or subject them. Over the coming years I have gathered a list of the do’s and don’ts that keep the friendships that are here to stay real. In no particular order this self qualified self help addict and applauded agony aunt gives you some tips on how to do just that!

1. Respect your individual needs, religions/ cultural views and relationship choices within your friendships
It’s no secret that we are all different, and being a friend you should understand that we all stem from various roots. We all have views and opinion on how we should live based on our upbringings. Religion and culture play a massive part from that. Let’s say for example: I am not a big fan of the rule ‘no sex before marriage ‘but my born again Christian or Muslim friend strongly believe in it. Do I have the right to tell them they are wrong, or push them into thinking that I am right? No. I don’t beg to differ because you must agree to disagree. Their choice of partner is also their business. Unless you see red and you wish to speak on it then do, otherwise accept it as they do.

2. Nurture the gaps in between seeing your friends
There may be a space in between where you don’t really see each other. That’s fine! But communication during this time is a must! I say this because a text message, email and phone call to check up on them isn’t much to ask this. This adds substance to your friendships. It may take away all the heavy emotional stuff and when you see each other you can just chill and enjoy yourselves. It also takes away tension, but it keeps each other in tune with what’s going on in each other lives. Keep in touch, make the effort.

My friend Sam and I update each other occasionally by the essay of a Facebook message, whereas my friend Marina and I usually communicate via text or a Whatsapp message. Whatever suits you best – It just adds authenticity to your relationship and you are more than grateful for it.

3. Don’t just meet on occasions
Referring on the previous rule, I think this a good point to make. Birthdays are a great chance to spend time together but don’t just use this to see your friends. Nurture your friendships with coffee dates, evening dinners or a McDonald’s hook up. You don’t need money either (my friendship group and I keep this as a rule) otherwise money just becomes an excuse. Keep it simple, just as long as you see each other that are all that matters. Try to keep the social friends at bay in times where you need your real friends. Don’t dance with acquaintances when you could be dancing with friends. Friendships: 10 Do’s And Don’ts of ‘Keeping It Real’

4. Be understanding
Your friend is upset, so what do you do? Shove all your advice on to them making sure they are listening to you. No. You listen to them. That can actually do more good than even speaking. Allow them that space to unpack. Speak when necessary. They just need maybe would need you as a comfort to confide in someone, so be gentle and listen.

Friendships: 10 Do’s And Don’ts of ‘Keeping It Real’

5. Keep bitching to a limit (or leave it out altogether)
Why it needs to be done? I don’t know! It adds negativity and awkwardness. I think it just happens. But all it does is subtract authenticity. So just don’t. Be adult and talk to the person you plan to bitch about what you don’t like what they are doing, it’s a lot more real don’t you think? Sometimes it’s best to bite your tongue.

6. Write birthday cards
There is no a better way to make someone feel good about themselves with infecting them with positive words and inspiring them. Make sure they know how important they are to you. Birthdays are a goalpost of reflecting a year of your life and letting them know. This bares most expensive than any bought gift any day. I and my friends do this. Over the years when I have felt down, I go into my catalogue of cards to remind myself that I am of value to some people and these are the evidence. It doesn’t even need to be just a birthday, but for example.

7. Keep in touch around tough times
Life and everything else in between can be a tricky time for us all. So it’s your duty to serve and just ‘be there’. Make sure you offer a shoulder to cry and the occasion treat to let them know how strong they are and they will indeed get through it. They’ll love you more in the long run. You’ll love them more too. Remember real friends pray for you. Friendships: 10 Do’s And Don’ts of ‘Keeping It Real’

8. Don’t hide emotions.
Vulnerability is a cornerstone of true friendships. Let them be your journal and vice versa. Don’t be afraid to show who you are and how you are feelings. Remember we all are therapists.

9. Keep it positive and a sense of humour is essential
As soon as I see my friend Lynn we automatically are back in year seven. That’s because we have always found the same things funny. It keeps it all flowing. If your friend do not keep you happy and bring out the good in you, they are not friends. Friends want to see you do well and keep you light, so make sure you are doing your part of being positive and they are doing the same. You can tell. You can feel it. If you can’t genuinely be who you are, rethink your friendship.

10. Don’t limit your friendships
Be open to welcoming everyone from different backgrounds, religions and cultures. Remember God sees no colour. Keep it a box of chocolates. You never know who you will meet on your way up. Just don’t forget the ones who have seen you through thick and thin. Just because you let the new ones in don’t let the old ones go (unless they’ve no longer a supportive role in your life)

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Nine Things No One in a Relationship Wants To Hear From Their Significant Other

When you’re in a relationship, there’s certain things that will make anyone cringe. It doesn’t matter if it’s a teenage romance or an old married couple, there are certain phrases that will inspire fear into our souls and will make us question everything about our relationship in one swift second.

These are the phrases that make us uncomfortable either because we don’t want to hurt our significant other (either physically or emotionally), or because they open up certain doors that you’d rather leave closed.

Usually most things to do with exes should be kept off limits. Yes, everyone has a past, but it’s hard enough to be in a relationship without having to worry about the legions of people on both sides that have been romantically involved with either of you.

Then there are some that are self-esteem downers and well…no one wants to hear those either.

Below are nine things no one wants to hear uttered by their significant other. See if these make you cringe:

1. “You look tired.”
This one is all-encompassing. We don’t want to hear this uttered by anyone. Especially when we’re just not wearing make-up because of…life. Telling someone they look tired is an instantaneous self-esteem downer and will leave you feeling insecure and may even make you a little upset. Unless the phrase is followed by the offering of a massage or a cuddle, then leave this unuttered.

2. “Are you really wearing that?”
The only time this is funny is when it’s in the Friends episode The One Where No One’s Ready. You know, when they all have to go to a black-tie event and no one can seem to get ready? Hilarious. In real life, not so much. We all like being admired for our unique sense of style and no one wants to hear their S.O doubt it.

3. “Does this make me look fat/skinny/chubby/wide/narrow?”
The phrase that is bound to lead to a relationship argument. No one wants to hear it because there’s never a right answer, unless you start singing John Legend’s All of Me, then you’re between a rock and a hard place on this one. We’re not perfect and we know that our partners aren’t either, but it’s in their imperfections that we fall in love. Try to make them believe that? Hey…it seems to work for John and Chrissy.

4. “My ex used to do _____ in bed.”
It’s hard enough to hear about someone’s ex, but when you’re in bed with your S.O, the very last thing you want to hear is how a faceless ex used to pleasure the person you love (or are lusting after). Yes, it’s nice to know how someone likes to be pleasured, but there are other ways to relay this message without bringing an ex into the conversation.

5. “Why didn’t you cum?”
“Ummm. Uhhh” The dreaded question that has lead legions of women to fake their orgasms in order to avoid it. No one. Absolutely no one wants to hear this question and it’s because we’re bound to hurt our S.O.’s feelings and/or egos. No one wants to feel as if they’re incapable of pleasuring their S.O., but sometimes, especially for women, cumming is just not that simple – even when you’re in a loving relationship.

6. “Why can’t you be more like _____?”
This one doesn’t necessarily have to involve an ex. It can involve a co-worker, a friend, a family member, or even a celebrity. No one wants to hear this question because it’s another instantaneous one way road to insecurity in a relationship.

7. “You’re going to make someone else the happiest person in the world.”
This is one of those phrases people use when they want to break up with someone, and although it is well intended, it’s usually the most heartbreaking thing that somebody can say to you as they’re breaking up. Why? Because it leaves us wondering why you don’t want to be the happiest person in the world.

8. “There’s something I need to tell you…”
Are you pregnant? Did someone pass away? Did you cheat? Do you have a secret family? Are you a spy? The chain reaction from this question is endless. Hearing this phrase uttered is basically a mind-fuck because it leaves you wondering what type of devastating, life altering news you’re about to hear.

9. “We need to talk.”
Another mind-fuck. This one however is more intimate, as it’s a ‘we’ rather than an ‘I’ talk. Take a deep breath, and expect the worse, but hope for the best!

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